An Essay: Reflecting on 2020, A Year Like No Other

2020. What a year it has been. My last day in the office was Thursday, March 12, 2020. Ironically, it was a fun day to be in the building. Our talent team ordered a dozen or so pies and served them, gloves on, as part of our Pi Day celebration. I sat in the office kitchen savoring a slice of chocolate cream pie and wondering when I would see my full team again. Friday, March 13 was my first full day of working remote at home.

Two business days later, my husband and I pulled our (then 15-month-old) son from daycare. It just didn’t make sense that both of us were working safely at home but taking him to daycare. So began our new reality of parenting a budding toddler while managing two full-time jobs and running a household. Our days were full. We usually woke up moments before he did in the morning and took turns retrieving him from his crib, changing his diaper and getting him breakfast while the other one showered. Some days, we both didn’t feel the need or desire to shower. After all, if no one was going to see me in person, did it really matter?

For the first few weeks of working entirely remote, it was thrilling. No getting dressed up for work, no commute, no need to leave the house, really. But after a while, it began to drain on me. My calendar cleared out completely for April. My volunteer events were cancelled, work events cancelled, the whole world seemingly cancelled. My life revolved around my husband and our son. Most days, I retreated to the basement to work while my husband handled our son upstairs. When Mom is around, all bets are off. That meant I wasn’t going to get any work done. At least with Dad, he would play and entertain himself for a little bit.

I don’t know how we did it all those days. I never experienced anything as hard as juggling diapering, naps, snacks, meals, playtime, books and simply keeping a small child safe and occupied — all while participating in Zoom calls, conducting interviews and scheduling social media posts. I would not have survived if not for the grace of my team, my company and leadership who understood our new reality and told us throughout that family comes first. There were times my spirit dipped. I missed the simple joys of being around like-minded, hard working people like my colleagues all day long. I missed the camaraderie of catching up on Monday mornings and chatting on Friday afternoon about weekend plans. I missed having events and gatherings and things to do and look forward to. At times I felt trapped, like the walls of my house were closing in on me. Despite the rollercoaster of emotions, I knew I had so much to be grateful for. My family in Michigan was healthy. I was healthy. My parents, sisters and extended family were all healthy. My husband and I have remained gainfully employed throughout the entire pandemic. Very recently, in late October, we found new childcare for my son. He is happy, thriving and well taken care of. I can now focus on my job and know he is getting the attention and interaction he deserves.

Although I’ve missed my family, we’ve enjoyed Zoom dinners and a few safe get-togethers since March. My father is a frontline worker and has been safe throughout, and I am blessed beyond belief for that.

My little family of three found a new sense of peace in these months. During summer, happiness became our daily walks in the early evening after we finished work. We waved to neighbors from across the street and found joy in chasing our son across the front yard. My kitchen became a mini restaurant, serving three full meals, plus numerous snacks, throughout the day. I made pizza dough, whipped up dalgona coffee and read books whenever I could. During fall, we were blessed to find out I am pregnant — our trio is growing! So yes, this year has been challenging in so many ways. But we’ve found joy, too. Spring and the start of a new year has never held the promise of so much to look forward to.